Lotsa Lady Lumps

Half a dozen of us girls went out last night, my first real hardcore girls night out in a long time...and boy was it a girls night out.

When having a few, I tend to have intense conversations that develop tunnel vision, thus missing the action. But I got enough context to know that two, ah, "friendly" girls were attempting to be "friendly" with the gaggle of gals I was with.

I was handbag sitting whilst Ellie went to get a drink and the others where dancing, when Lady Lover Uno came over:

"Amanda," she said, obviously having asked one of my friends, because she must think knowing my name was a good pick up line "come dance!"

You are all probably laughing, thinking that "crazy Amanda" isn't used to the female ways, but what I didn't describe is what she was doing with her hands at the time.

I was sitting demurely on the seat, and she ran her hands from my ankles to the high hem line of my dress. Just a drunken grope? Perhaps. But she then sealed the deal with :

"You have the nicest legs" (obviously it was dark, so she couldn't see them).

The above would be traumatising enough, except for what happened a bit later.

Sitting, talking about the world, I happened to notice a group of about six girls come in (the bar wasn't busy). Just a bunch of girls, out for the night, just like us.

Except one of them. She was an average girl - didn't look too drunk, she was kinda pretty, I guess, except she had the most unusual top on.

It looked, for lack of a better term, like she had boobies painted on her top.

In actual fact, it was her lady lumps, hanging out of her top for the whole world to see.

Words failed me and I averted my eyes, not before alerting my companions of the danger that had arrived.

She was whisked back outside quick smart, neckline hugging her belly and all.

The third in this medley of lesbianism is more of a faux pas of my own. I'm a pretty open girl, so when Jill and I were singing "I kissed a girl, and I liked it", we were singing it not because we noticed the two ladies having a pash in a doorway (we didn't exactly), but because we liked the song.

We only realised it was two girlies when they walked past us, glaring, hand in hand.

In conclusion, we kept to our man loving ways, and we weren't beaten up. Two achievements I am sure you will note as being quite newsworthy.